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Remember that carefree light heartedness’ you felt as a child? There was no time to spare for any thought but the now. There was no forethought or anxiety about what the future was going to bring, neither was there any heavy baggage from the past to keep us running around in circles.
But with every passing day as an adult, we add records to our past, bad interactions, relationships, and traumas. With each narrative we walk around a little bit heavier than before, holding on tightly to things that no longer exist in reality.
We hold on dearly to the past
It is easy to hold on to the past. It is pleasurable to remind ourselves of the good old times and keep spinning around in spirals than face the reality that the narrative does not exist anymore. The memories bring us joy, happiness, and we draw comfort from whatever validation or emotional attachment that existed when things were good.
Even when we make a conscious effort to let it go, the pause is momentary. And before you know it you are again replaying the stories that are decades old in your mind.
So how can we practice the art of letting go?
1- Accept that you will cave sometimes : This is counter intuitive, but this step is necessary to set the foundation for letting go. Our brains are wired to remember what is comfortable, what comes naturally, and what is easy. It is not easy to pull the plug on the brain on just one topic all of a sudden.
It is a gradual process and there are times when you are going to be gripped by the past again. Recognize it, acknowledge it when it happens, and forgive yourself so that you can get back on track to let go.
2- Forget closure : The most common excuse for holding on to the past is that we constantly try to close the loop. We try to dot the i’s and cross the t’s, thinking it will open up a secret skill of letting go, when in fact there is no such magic potion.
Closure does not change the reality it still is what it is – just with a pretty little bow on top. But honestly, what is the point of that bow?
3- Cherish the good times without entitlement or attachment : I firmly believe that every experience in our past has given us something to learn, to cherish, and to grow. Letting go does not necessarily mean letting go of all the memories and lessons your experiences gifted you. Rather, it is about being able to treasure the gifts without resentment or attachment.
4- Last but not the least, relinquish the need to be in control. There are some circumstances beyond our grasp and beyond our abilities to predict. Accept the conditions as they come rather than holding onto your ideal state of how they should be. This helps us to adapt and let go of pointless thoughts, making our life much easier.
As Paulo Coelho rightly says-
“If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”
Let go of your past baggage that is holding you back. The narrative no longer exists apart from your memory. Let go of the need to be perfect, the need for certainty on what comes next, the fear of failures based on past examples, the mistrust of people based on past relationships.
“Ease your heart of the burden of what no longer serves you, so that you can create space for new things in your life.”
I hope you find the courage to let go of the past, and instead embrace what the life has to offer you, wholeheartedly.
“Live for what tomorrow has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away.”