Name
Visa Shanmugam
What do you currently do as compared to your previous professional avatars?
I am a life and mindset coach and a breathwork specialist, helping South Asian women find confidence, peace and fulfillment in life.
On a scale of 0(meh!) to 10 (Looooove it), how much do you love it?
10
How and when did you know your previous avatar was not right for you?
I was working for a big company in marketing and I had just had a baby. I thought I was thriving, managing a successful career and motherhood, but internally I was unhappy because nothing I was doing felt fulfilling or meaningful. No matter how hard I worked or how little I worked, it felt empty. That made me feel guilty and ashamed. I realized that I was living the same day over and over and calling it a life. I felt no deep connection to anything in my life including my closest relationships, which scared me.
On hindsight, I realize it was because I had no meaningful relationship to myself. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, how to advocate for myself or what success meant to me. Everything I was doing in life, I was doing because someone had told me to do it or that’s how it was supposed to be. I was following someone else’s formula for success and happiness and it no longer fitted me. For me, it didn’t happen in an instant. It was a slow realization and awakening.
What are the highlights of your journey when you took the leap?
To be honest, it was slow going in the start. It was a lot of waking up to how much self hatred, self loathing and self resentment I was carrying within. I was extremely hard on myself, which when pointed out, I didn’t think was harmful. I assumed that’s how you were supposed to be, to get better at anything in life. The idea of self love seemed ‘soft’ and ‘weak’ to me. So I was resistant to a lot of what I reading and discovering.
The real change started happening when I started doing inner child work. When I met the child version of me in a coaching session, I realized how hurtful and hateful I was being to myself. I was carrying so much shame and pain for things from the past. After that session, I felt a 1000 times lighter.
I had a meditation session once where I met the future version of me and that was a pivotal moment in my life. The future version of me was everything I yearned to be – confident, in love with herself and life, accomplished, loved, present, dazzling. But my present self was intimidated by her, until I heard a voice whisper “you are her. she is you”. Up until that moment, I hadn’t realized there was a huge chasm between who I was and who I wanted to be. I hadn’t given myself permission to step into the woman I dreamed of becoming. When I gave myself permission to become her, now, it was a liberating moment.
I also worked with a coach for three months, to help connect me to my body on a deeper level. I didn’t realize how much of our memories we carry in the cells of our bodies without our conscious awareness. When I walked my body through the painful memories and released them through my body, that was another huge leap I made in my healing. After that, the level of presence I experienced was unlike anything I had ever felt. I was looking at the world through child like eyes. It’s hard to explain. It was like I was awake in my body for the first time, after being asleep for decades.
I have done so much self love work over the years and it never ends, because there is no end point. You can only go deeper and deeper.
Breathwork has been fundamental on that journey. I have healed so many past versions of myself, from when I was a child to now. The amount of shame we carry is incredible for things that are small to big. Shame is destructive. It’s isolating. When we release the shame, we put back pieces of ourselves that have been fractured and fragmented and start our journey towards becoming whole.
What was the biggest obstacle you faced during the transition? What helped you navigate that obstacle?
The biggest obstacle for me was the shame and guilt I felt as I embarked on my self love journey. It seemed selfish, wasteful and self-indulgent. I kept thinking that my life was ‘pretty good’ and what was I even unhappy about? But the thought of not doing the inner work, made me deeply unhappy. It didn’t feel like it was an option I could choose.
I was seeking permission from my husband to tell me that I should do it, but ultimately it wasn’t his permission I was looking for. It was my own. But I was too scared to give it to myself. What if this didn’t work? What if I spent all this money and I had nothing to show for it?
Though it was terrifying, not exploring it was even more terrifying. They were both painful choices and so I chose the option that gave me a chance at happiness, which was to go on a self love journey.
I read a lot of books my Gabrielle Bernstein, especially, The Universe Has Your Back which was a book that helped me understand myself and what I was going through.
But most of all, the coaches I hired to work with me were ultimately the best healers. Their support was unparalleled. The space they held for me was transformational. To be seen by someone else is the most healing thing in the world.
What would you do differently if you had to start over again?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Where can readers get in touch with you?
IG: @lifecoachvisa
Would you like more personalized support in your transformation journey? Reach out to me to be coached 1:1 and let’s create your life by design together.
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