I’ve seen many coaching clients telling me they are great at their work. They meet every deadline on time, honour their commitments, take complete ownership and responsibility, but sheepishly admit that when it comes to their personal goals, they never manage to hold onto their personal goals themselves accountable. And that made me curious. We all have done that at some point where we push ourselves to deliver on our responsibilities and commitments to others but not as much to ourselves? These are some of my theories to it.
As adults, responsibility is not a new concept. We were forced to accept responsibility as the unwanted gift thrust on us when we entered the real world after our education. So we take responsibility on critical matters, where we stand to lose face in front of our colleagues, mentors, boss, society, and other external stakeholders.
But we often drop the ball when it comes to our own personal goals
I’ve had clients telling me, “I want to meditate.” “I need to work out for my health” ” I must start prioritising self care” They have noble well-meaning intentions, but it’s never materialised.
Some say they never find the time; others couldn’t muster the energy. The excuses are plenty, but the result is the same. We don’t hold ourselves accountable, and then as the years add up, we feel bad for never prioritising ourselves. When we wake up to what matters most, it’s too late, and the list of regrets keeps piling on.
Here are a few theories I’ve based on my observations of myself and people around me on why we don’t hold ourselves accountable –
We are not entirely convinced we need to do that.
People say they want to meditate because they’ve heard others say meditation is good for their health, so they sway with popular opinion. But is it something you really really want for yourself? The answer might be a no or a maybe. You can only make a hell yes happen in your lives. As long as you’re on the fence, you’re never going to do anything for yourself. So if you’ve been trying to get to a personal goal, ask yourself, is that hell yes for me? What makes me achieving that goal important for me?
We are convinced, but its not a priority.
Some of us might be convinced that we need to work out 5 times a week and be consistent. But when asked what our top 3 priorities are, health and fitness may not even feature in it. We all work with limited resources – limited time, bandwidth and energy. If we are chasing more priorities than we can handle, we cannot honour our commitment across all the things we’ve said yes to. To be personally accountable, we need to be clear about our personal priorities and create space in our schedules for them.
We are convinced, and it’s high priority – but there’s no self-respect.
The third one will hurt a few egos, but another reason we don’t keep commitments to ourselves is that we don’t respect ourselves enough to follow through. Think about it, why do you honour your word to your manager/peers or school teacher or parents? There’s a certain respect we have for them. When we commit to deliver, we take it seriously and honour that. But when we don’t love ourselves or appreciate ourselves enough, we don’t feel the need to keep our word to ourselves. Our goals are not that important, and neither are our dreams. If we respect ourselves and hold ourselves in high regard, we will make time for what matters.
We focus on what we do and not on what we don’t do.
There’s this quote I read on the internet that says, “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” Say you aim to be healthier, fitter, and stronger, you say you’ll not eat junk, and you’ll workout 5 times a week. You’ll notice that people are accountable more to what they say they’ll do rather than what they say they won’t do. For whatever reason, the don’ts are considered as an allowable exception.
As John Di Lemme says, “Accountability separates the wishers in life from the action-takers that care enough about their future to account for their daily actions. “
You might have noble intentions to transform your life and take action, but as the common saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The things that distinguish doers from dreamers is action, responsibility, and Accountability. So don’t just sit on the fence and wish for your life to be transformed overnight like magic. Begin today and hold yourself accountable. For things you want to do, and you don’t want to do. Monitor your day to day actions. Reflect on why you don’t follow through, and gently but firmly bring yourself to act on dreams that matter.
So there’s your own your everyday tip this week: Respect yourself enough to hold yourself accountable to your dreams and goals. They matter, and you do not have all the time in the world to make it happen. Start small, but start. Have review mechanisms to frequently check if you’re on the right track and make timely interventions to course-correct. Show the same level of responsibility to yourself and your dreams as you would to your bosses and organisation goals. You deserve it just as much.
If you find you’ve made no progress on your personal goals for 2021 and would like to change course before 2022 begins, join me for the free 5-day Challenge to reflect on 2021 and set achievable goals for 2022 with the right systems to not just dream but follow-through throughout the year. DM me at Being Meraklis to know more about the challenge, and let’s start 2022 on the right note.
Until we meet again, this is Shwetha Sivaraman signing off, hoping you have a fabulous week ahead!