Ep 18 – Letting go of gender bias

We as a society as a whole encourage gender bias

It starts with the little things, where we disrespect women and legitimize subordinating women in the name of masculinity. A society’s literature, movies, media all influence our thinking of genders. We often underestimate the influence of what we show in movies, but it is delusionary. From objectifying women in dance numbers in Bollywood to romanticizing heroes stalking – which is nothing more than a violation of personal space and boundaries, we encourage young boys to identify with macho behavior, to be persistent even when refused, to defy consent.

But the deep-rooted patriarchy in our society goes just beyond media and movies. We tend to sow this mentality right from childhood, from painting nurseries blue or pink we impose an expectation on how the child must think and behave depending on their sex. When we raise boys to be masculine, macho, aggressive, unemotional, and raise girls to be careful, modest, and cautious. A young girl is forced to let go of her childhood and grow up much sooner because society thinks boys are boys – which I believe is a ridiculously incompetent excuse for unacceptable behavior.

It doesn’t stop there as boys grow up, they are forced to adhere to the peer pressure as they grapple with their own anxieties on manhood. Whether they enjoy speaking in derogatory ways about women’s bodies or fantasising about them, they feel compelled to be a part of it in order to not be seen as weak or feminine or “not man enough” in the eyes of the peer group or other boys. And girls are told to sit like a girl, dress conservatively, not stay up late, because boys could have urges. How much longer will we pin the responsibility of safety on the shoulders of a young girl?
When is society going to wake up to realize that we fail collectively every single time we raise our boys to be unapologetically themselves while telling young girls to be safe rather than sorry.

We can blame these boys to our heart’s content but just punishing these perpetrators of the bois locker room is not enough to stop these crimes from happening. Until we redefine what masculinity means and deconstruct gender disparities at its root, nothing will change.

Deconstructing Gender Disparities

We need to have open conversations about gender norms at homes, schools, and workplaces. We need to be able to talk about sex and consent to children openly, not like its taboo. The more we keep this in the wraps, the more curiosity we allow young adults to indulge in secretly.

We need to openly bust stereotypes and anxieties associated with gender roles. Accept the feminine and masculine energies within each of us, learn to find a balance in such a way that it works best for us.

“Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong…it is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, not as two opposing sets of ideas.”
― Emma Watson

Stop referencing gender roles in movies and literature – It is okay for a man to cry. It is okay for a woman to be strong-headed and pragmatic. It is okay for the man of the household to not want to earn and take care of the family instead. It is okay if a woman does not want to be the best cook and keep the house spic and span.

The more we speak about gender neutrality, the more we open up spaces for both genders to remain equal and flourish in roles that help them thrive without stigma. It is only when the culture changes as a whole – can we actually talk about gender equality.

Let’s stop with the gender bias and as Irrfan Khan says “You cannot compare two genders and say that you are the weaker one or you the stronger one. Each gender has their own specialty and magic.”

Let’s nurture our specialty and magic and let go of this Gender Bias and raise our children to be worthy of being a part of our society as humans with mutual respect and compassion for other beings and make this world a safe space for both women and men to thrive. Let us, boys and girls, both to be kind, fearless, and compassionate individuals with mutual respect for humans irrespective of the gender.