We are an impatient lot. Millennials. Always feel out of breath like we’ve missed the bus. Again. Constantly chasing something that always feels just out of reach. An inch out of grasp. Day after day we hustle, mentally leaning our torsos forward like athletes, hoping, praying, and wishing the finish line is near.
It feels like an impossible dream to arrive. Yet we hope we do with all our heart. We give up all our happiness and joy today for that future date when everything feels right and we have arrived. In our wait, we dread the present moment because it’s a reminder of the gaping void and lack. The stark lag between where we’ve arrived mentally and our present reality causes us more anguish.
Some say, there are 2 aspects to impatience –
- Eagerly waiting for something to happen
- Restlessly waiting for something to happen.
One kind of impatience is positive (eagerly waiting) while the other is not. But to me, both are equally thieves, because they take us away from the experience of life here and now. Waiting, eagerly or restlessly, keeps the focus on a tomorrow which is yet to arrive.
Eagerly being impatient is a shield high achievers use to fuel inconsiderate drive. It’s the same that perpetuates the whole hustle culture, of keep going no matter what. The focus is so skewed towards accomplishment that we miss out on the essence of living. Life itself.
Experiencing, learning, and becoming, are romantic idelogies left for the artists and poets.
Where does the impatience stem from?
One is comparisons. We see others arriving in their respective fields and can’t wait to experience that ourselves. As high achievers, competition is a drive we often use to propel us forward. But the same drive if unchecked can create more emphasis on external outcomes and achievement and no focus on growth and personal development.
Without caring about when others started or the intensity of their efforts behind the scenes, we aspire to achieve the same end goal. Not only is this unreasonable, it does grave injustice to our soul’s spirit. We are on our own journeys moving at our own pace.
Two, a constant sense of lack. Most high achievers operate as if the world is ending because they genuinely feel there’s not enough time to pursue all our desires. So we are restless and chase endlessly as if racing against time. But life doesn’t work that way. Most things have a time and place to bloom and no amount of exerting control and pressure can make it unfold any faster.
Like how a bud cannot be forced to blossom instantly, the goals we desire and the outcomes we seek cannot manifest overnight. Despite what popular IG influencers might be telling you. There are several variables at play, some controllable, many beyond our control.
The price of impatience
In all this pining to arrive, we overlook the very unfolding happening here and now. Moreover, we remain split between present moment and future outcomes, leaving lesser concentration available in the here and now.
The solution is not to shut down those desires or tame them down, but to be patient in the persistence.
Instead of micro-focusing on the achievement, expand it to include the journey.
As the saying goes, you spend only a fraction of the time on the peak of the mountain, the majority of the time is spent on the sides. Inculcate an appreciation of the view on the sides, the struggles of putting one foot in front of the other, the uncertainty of not knowing what comes next, the camaraderie or the company you have on the climb to the top, the little slips that derail your progress but teach you valuable lessons without which you cannot survive on the top.
The antidote to impatience is to embrace the becoming in all its glory.
To me, embracing the becoming includes
- Being clear on the why – Asking ourselves why a goal is important in the first place. Why does accomplishing it matter to us? What does accomplishing that goal make possible for us in our lives? Is it coming from a space of fear and lack or desire and aspiration? We often focus on our ‘doing’ but our ‘being’ influences our doing in more ways than we can quantify.
- Appreciating where we are today – Taking a moment to pause and recognise the many blessings today is crucial. Who’s to say we’ll appreciate accomplishing our goals in the future if we cannot appreciate where we are today? We need to build our muscles for appreciation. Like training at the gym, we need to get our reps in daily.
- Compassionately learning from our mistakes – Mistakes are a part of life and the sooner we tame the inner self-critical voice to be more compassionate, the smoother the road towards our desired goals. Practice self-compassion and see how you can learn from your mistakes instead of beating yourself up.
If impatience persists, redirect it to meaningful action.
Ask yourself, what can you do that’s within your control to move the needle? How can you be to get out of the way and make progress at a sustainable pace?
