Ep 54 – Qs to reflect on when arguing in relationships
By Shweta
Arguments are a part of every relationship, especially with your partners and loved ones. However, things have just gotten a little crazier with the pandemic. We are all cooped up within the four walls of our homes with no outlet or distraction. The stress of COVID 19 has seeped into the one thing it can are marriages.
A study in America reveals a 34% married men and women report that the pandemic have increased the stress in their marriage. In this episode, we cover a few questions to ask yourself when you catch yourself arguing endlessly with your spouse.
Uncertainty, financial pressures, social isolation, and deprivation from being able to do the things you love during COVID has impacted all of us mentally and added more trained to a most important relationships. This usually translates to never ending arguments about the small list of things.
When we fight, we say a lot of things we never intended, and we dampen our relationships unnecessarily. We say things we don’t mean and fail to express the things that matter most in relationships that matter. I always say this, weigh your words with intent deliberation, because once you utter them, you can never take them back.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself the next time you find yourself arguing:
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What don’t I know? The biggest reason most arguments happen is we think we know everything. We think we know the underlying motives and intentions of the other person, but most of the time we are wrong. So asking this is a humbling way to ensure you stop making assumptions and really check in with the other person rather than arguing from your point of view.
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Where can I take responsibility? Most fights happen because we put the entire blame on the partner and take no share of it. Where are you partly to blame? Acknowledging that can help diffuse arguments faster.
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What is the outcome I desire from this conversation? Another way of asking this is probably Is this fight even worth it? What am I hoping to gain from this fight? If it’s not much, maybe you can drop the argument that leads neither of you anyway.
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Can I communicate it in better ways? When we yell and attack, almost nothing gets through. Think about it. When have you taken anything constructively? When it’s forced down your throat? So ask yourself, How else can you constructively communicate the same message?
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What is the unexpressed need that I can consider? A lot of times when we fight, there is an underlying need that’s often unexpressed. Is it a call for love, attention, acceptance, understanding affection? Understanding the unexpressed need can help you respond better and stay connected.
Deep dive on these aspects the next time you feel angry and find answers within! If you’d like more 1:1 support with me as your Coach, reach out to me for a 30 min discovery session, and experience how self-awareness coaching can bring about inner most shifts in your life and relationships.
