Ep 47 – 3 shifts I’ve made before turning 29

Birthdays are my favourite, favourite time for self-reflection. It’s a great way to look back at how far you’ve truly come along. I am turning in twenty-nine today, so I’m going to spend some time sharing what I observed are the three shifts in my life in the last one year and how it has impacted me and hopefully, it resonates with you and it’s something that you can try for your next birthday.

#Shift1: Doing to being

So the first shift moving from doing to being if you know me even a little bit before you know how much of a To-Do list ninja I generally was. I’ve been sober for most of my adult life. I constantly keep seeking new things to learn to do. And my to-do list is almost always endless, regardless of my efficiency in working my way through them. And eventually, all of this led me to feel constantly drained and tired. In the last year, I’ve shed the side of myself completely. Instead of doing more, I try and just be, observe, watch and learn rather than be constantly busy. I was mentally prepared to achieve less as I made the shift, but to my surprise, I ended up being able to do a lot more and with ease and comfort. That came from just being. The more I give myself time to rest and recover, the more productive I became when I was doing things.

#Shift2: Moody to equanimity

I’ve always been extra sensitive. As much as I’m jolly and outgoing, I could easily burst into tears at the smallest of things. I am happy suddenly and the next moment I’d be down in the dumps. Most of these had to do with external triggers. Someone would say something nice and I’d move up to the top of the world, someone is rude and I’ll feel terrible about myself and constantly keep questioning what did I do wrong.

But somewhere in 2019, I remember feeling that this was not sustainable. Especially as a self-employed independent professional. I could not afford to keep wavering like this because it drew away too much of my energy. And worse, my productivity would go out the window cause I would have to wait for my spirits to lift up so that I can get back to work.

I took to journaling rigorously, every time I noticed a shift in moods I tried to capture what led me to feel that way. I identified triggers, worked on things that led to self-esteem, learned to slowly detach my self-worth from others, and started drawing boundaries for myself. Over time I became a bit more equanimous and that came in handy in 2020 cause COVID took the challenge to a whole other level. But I’ve realized over the course of last year, that you can be equanimous within yourself no matter what happens around you. That equanimity that balance comes from grounding yourself to your truth, anchoring your reality, and aligning yourself to that centre within you so that you can be unshakable no matter what happens around you.

#Shift3: Mindless Self-Talk to Mindful Self-Talk

I’ve been my worst critic always. I was that person who’d believe others when they criticised me but treated them with suspicion if they said something nice about me. I was that girl who would constantly ask, why do you love me? What qualities do you like in me? in a desperate attempt to hang on to straws about something good in me. And when something went wrong I’d freefall in mindless self-talk of how could I? How am I this stupid? Really like really, that’s the best you could come up with?

I never realised how much hate and negative energy I was throwing against myself every time I did this. These days I’m very mindful of how I speak to myself. I’m gentle and loving in the way I treat myself and if I make mistakes, I compassionately inquire what I could have done better. I extend the same compassion I would have extended to a friend or loved one who did the same mistake and instead of fixating on why it happened, I quietly work towards what next and let it go.

Which shift do you need to make the most of your life? Do share your thoughts with me on Being Meraklis across any of the social media handles.