The one where Maya finally becomes Partner

Maya has always been a hustler. She prioritised her work, and her loved ones have made peace with the fact that they’ll always come second. There was no competing with work for Maya. Her identity as a lawyer came first, and work fuelled her like no other. She had only one goal when she entered the legacy law firm: to become the youngest partner in the company’s history. Nothing could deter her until she fulfilled that dream.

Finally, the moment arrived. Her senior partners called for her one Monday morning in the month of March. They applauded her drive, commitment, and numerous contributions to the firm. She knew what was coming, yet still couldn’t believe it when the words were eventually uttered: “We’d like to make you a partner and make the announcement official at the start of the next financial year.”

It was happening, finally! She was overjoyed. She barely kept her composure as she excitedly made her way back to her cabin. Her hands itched as they tried to reach the phone. She wanted to call and share the news with the world, even if she couldn’t share it with her team members yet.

Her first instinct was to tell her dad, who was always rooting for her success and cheering her on. But he lost the brutal fight with cancer many years ago when she was working on the Mirchandani Case. She couldn’t even say a final goodbye because she was so caught up with the trial, and her father didn’t want to disturb her. It was still one of her biggest regrets to this day. She would have liked to say goodbye to the man who shaped so much of who she is today.

There was no point calling her mother. They’ve had a rocky relationship at best, and even if she did share it with her mother, she’d pass some snarky comment that would just tick her off further. She decided against making that call and chose to retain her sanity.

She shrugged off the grief and anger and automatically began dialing her husband’s number. But she paused mid-way. It’s been three years since he became her ex-husband, yet she still thinks of him as her husband. She remembered the last conversation like it happened yesterday, where he was frustrated yet again because she was putting in long hours at work.

He said annoyedly, “I am done playing for seconds in a world where you have time only for your work. I am done fighting for your attention and settling for scraps. This is not the kind of life I want to live. I know I can never make you choose between your work and me, so I think it’s better we go our separate ways.” That’s when she noticed the divorce papers in his hands. She was stunned to say the least. She signed them, and they went their separate ways, but she’d be lying if that didn’t leave a gaping hole in her heart.

Irritated, she threw her phone away. She didn’t like the emotions of grief, loss, and hurt marring her moment. She finally arrived. She’d made partner despite having no connections or coming from an influential family. She built a legacy brick by brick through her own hard work. This is what all those sacrifices and late nights were for. This moment.

But then why didn’t it feel enough?

She didn’t understand the roller coaster of emotions swirling within her. This is the moment she had waited all her life to experience. Yet now that it was here, she didn’t feel as great as she hoped she would. Was she happy? Yes, of course, beyond thrilled. But the joy was subsumed by other emotions. The heaviness from the pile of regrets and everything she sacrificed to get her suddenly weighed on her. She found herself asking, Is this worth it?

Her mind was going a mile a minute.

What was wrong with her? Being on the other side of 30 was making her soft. Of course, this is worth it. She can now choose who she works with, her hours, and to what end. But can she really? When have any of the senior partners taken a break or gone back home at a decent time? Most of them, like her, had no one to go home to.

Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t felt the thrill she used to feel on winning cases for many years now. Ever since Dad passed away and Rahul walked out of her life, everything has felt paler. It’s just that she never paused to notice because she was blindsided by her one-pointed focus on making partner in her firm.

She recognised she needed to snap out of it before her thoughts spiraled to the dark side. Grabbing her phone, she made a last-ditch attempt to call the one person she could still reach out to, her younger sister, Mahi. Something about her sister’s calming voice helped Maya, and she rushed to share her thrilling news. Mahi, smiling ear to ear on the other end of the phone, wished Maya a hearty congratulations and asked her, “So, how does it feel to finally achieve it? Is it everything you’ve been hoping for?”

Maya paused just for a moment, but it was enough for Mahi to sense that something was off. Mahi immediately asked her what was wrong.

Maya took her time finding the right words, “It’s just that, Mahi, I built up this moment so much in my head. Now that it’s happened, it feels a bit surreal, and not wholly what I’d hoped it would be. In fact, it feels a bit disappointing even.”

Mahi didn’t know how to respond. It wasn’t unexpected. Mahi had experienced her share of empty successes. She knew that sometimes when we chase our goals with so many expectations, the actual experience of accomplishing them feels like a letdown. It never is what you’d hoped it to be, and it does leave you questioning why you ever chased it in the first place.

She snapped back to the present moment and quietly expressed her sadness at hearing this. “I’m so sorry Maya, I cannot even imagine how let down you must be feeling after all those years of effort and sacrifices. What about the accomplishment feels disappointing for you?”

Maya immediately said, “Well, I had no one to celebrate it with Mahi.” She shared her trip down memory lane in the last 10-15 minutes and summed up by saying, “I’m staring at my corner office all alone and can’t help but wonder if I’ll only feel lonelier in a bigger corner office more cut off from the rest of the world.”

Mahi acknowledged the feeling of isolation and stayed with her sister through her ruminations. “I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely Maya. How can I help?”

Maya didn’t quite know. It felt like all her life so far was about leading up to this moment, and now that this doesn’t feel satisfying, she needed to do some soul searching to explore what’s next. She just quietly responded, “Thank you for being there Mahi even when I haven’t always been there for you. I think I need to spend some time reflecting on what’s truly important and what I’d like to focus on for the rest of my days and years.” Mahi, stunned at hearing Maya thank her for the very first time, reiterated that she was here for her whenever she needed a sounding board or someone to vent.

Maya disconnected the call and told her partners she won’t be taking up the position. Instead, she chose to take a proper break for the first time in many years. She embarked on a brand new journey. This time, it was not a journey to far-off continents to showcase the size of her bonus but a journey inward to reconnect with herself once again.

We’ve all been in Maya’s shoes where we’ve dreamed of accomplishing something, only to feel a gripping disappointment because it didn’t turn out to be the way we’d imagined it would be.

If you like Maya, feel a deep sense of dissatisfaction and loneliness, here are some prompts to reflect on:

1. To what end are you chasing what you are chasing?
2. Do you feel your daily life is in alignment with who you are and what you value? If not, what needs to change to feel more aligned?
3. Outside of work, what are some roles you play or activities you engage in that feel deeply fulfilling? Do you spend enough time engaging in them? If not, how can you carve more time out for things that nourish you?
4. Who are the people who are your support systems? Do you take them for granted? How can you acknowledge their role in your life and express your gratitude more frequently?