One of the most common questions I get from coaching clients is this – “I don’t know what I want.”
I know what I don’t want!
There’s one thing everyone is clear and that is what they don’t want.
“I don’t want to do what I’m doing today for the rest of my life. Of that I’m sure. But what do I want to do, if not this, I don’t know!”
This reflection is followed by a slew of questions
- How do I know what is it if not this?
- What if I’m not good enough to do that?
- What’s the guarantee I’d succeed in doing that?
- Will I regret leaving something that’s not too bad for that?
And so the list goes on, endless thoughts churning over and over again in our heads leaving us zapped of energy to ever try doing anything about any of those thoughts let alone succeed in it.
Here are 3 things I’ve learned about Purpose
It has almost become an in-thing to say I want to spend the next few months finding my purpose. But is purpose something to be found? My answer is no.
#1 Purpose is not something found, but created.
We create a purpose by paying attention, valuing certain things, and adding meaning. Writing could be a meaningless endeavour for most. But if I say writing is a way for me to articulate my experiments with the art of living to serve as a guidepost for others to suffer less and live more, it becomes a purpose. The same act of writing transcends into a purpose by the meaning I attach to it, by the unique strengths of mine I use, and by the people I get to serve by bringing the two together.
We could extrapolate the same for every action in life – singing, dancing, painting, poetry. Even banking, marketing, and software development for that matter. So it’s not about what we do, but why we do it.
#2 Purpose is not about doing but being.
When we allow our core values to guide and shape our lives, we are not simply doing mere activities. Our very way of being acts as a conduit for a larger good.
When we transform our very way of being to be purposeful, every activity that emanates from our being aligns with the same purpose.
Then, it’s not about what we do, but how we do it. When we are purpose-driven, we engage in activities totally and give it our all. So it’s again not about what we do, but how we do it, that gives us that added sense of fulfilment and accomplishment.
So instead of focusing on purpose as a career goal or a milestone to chase, think of how you show up in doing any activity from brushing your teeth to falling asleep.
#3 Purpose is never about us, but others
This is an intriguing one that is still a hypothesis for me. But rarely have I seen a purpose that serves only our selfish interest for survival. Almost always when I see a spark in my client’s eye on creating their purpose it is about how they can put their unique gifts and strengths to serve those around them. This could be 10 people in their community or the whole world. The scale is immaterial but the intention matters.
For our purpose to feel truly meaningful, it has to be other-centric. It has to take us beyond the narrow limitations of I, Me, Myself, only then does the spark last. So it’s not about what you do, but who you are doing it for that makes an activity purposeful.
We can keep overthinking about purpose, or we can realise that anything and everything we do can be purposeful if we are clear on the why, how, and who. Reflect on these 3 beliefs and experiment with them to discover what truly resonates.
